6. Hope for the future – the brain needs hope for the future in order to be able to move forward.
With an understanding of these needs and the recognition that all team members need all of the qualities described above (but in different measures) then teams can go about meetings in completely new ways. Guided discussions can address each of these needs systematically, step by step, instead of taking a random approach and hoping that everyone is satisfied come the end of the meeting (they are probably not).
2. Being or Doing? Which Comes First?
You’re probably in good company when reflecting on chicken and egg type questions. After all, questions surrounding the genesis of life are hotly debated and will no doubt continue to be for centuries to come. So the one that gets me is, does the “do” precede the “be” or is the other way around? Do-be or be-do? And another question for fair measure-why does it matter?
Well, if behaviour (the doing) is a result of our attitudes and values (the being) it seems to follow that if we want to change our behaviours then we need to first change our beliefs about things. My beliefs about someone will affect how I behave. Imagine how you are likely to “be” interacting with the following:
A1. With a boss who asks you a question you don’t know the answer to who you feel doesn’t rate you
A2. With a boss who asks you a question you don’t know the answer to who you feel does rate you
B1. With a peer who disagrees with you but you feel s/he doesn’t respect you
B2. With a peer who disagrees with you but you feel s/he does respect you
C1. With a direct report who has made a mistake but you believe has tried hard
C2. With a direct report who has made a mistake but you believe has not tried hard
Perhaps the way in which you respond in each pairing will be different even though the context is the same. The “Be” will affect the “Do”. This is why real behavioural change is so difficult. Our attitudes are often not obvious and even when we get to the root of how in one situation we can flow like a river and yet stall like a jalopy in another- changing our perceptions about ourselves and others is not always straightforward( and so we carry on always getting what we always got and didn’t want).
This is when the be-do ordering can come into its own, although it takes some courage and can be like changing the hand you write with. This is when you change through the doing first and the being follows. So imagine, your boss who you feel doesn’t rate you asks you the question you don’t know the answer to and you ACT as though s/he absolutely rates you and that is why you have been asked the question! How would you communicate? What about body language? Your tone? Your breathing? And, eye contact as you confidently assert the answer will be forthcoming?